Control and the Ego
By Two Students
Do you have control issues? Personality control is the biggest issue everyone must face in their spiritual journey. Because this is not understood nor often enough addressed, the spiritual journey for many is a disguised ego trip. We think we can control everything we experience – with but one exception: death.
Behind all our fears is the fear of losing control, and behind that is the fear of death. In fact, loss of ego control is equated with death in the personality. To overcome fear and stop the controlling behaviors, one must face death with equanimity. The sad part of ego-centered control is that we usually don’t recognize to what extent we are controlling.
Other people around us certainly know it! It frequently takes a big confrontation or crisis to find it out for ourselves… unless we are willing to very honestly examine our fears, feelings and behaviors. We all have control issues! Central to the spiritual journey is the willingness and practice of letting go of ego’s control and submitting to Universal Presence.
You might agree with this, and say that you won’t mind submitting to Universal Presence – i.e., the divine, but there is no way you will submit to, or trust in, the people around you. If that is the case, where and how do you think that the divine presence makes itself seen and felt other than through the people and circumstances in your life? When we agree to “not my will, but Thine be done” we are acknowledging that ‘Thy will’ manifests through the needs (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) of the people in our lives. If we want to know ‘Thy will’ it’s important to be in touch with others – to what they need and want, what they feel and aspire to.
The Spiritual Journey
The Spiritual Journey is a process of transformation – which is exactly what death is, and what relationships are all about. In our yang dominated culture, control is king – “control your destiny,” instead of transforming your destiny – “get what you want,” instead of achieving your goals. A lot of self help books, workshops and teachings use this yang approach to life. The techniques and goals of these approaches can inadvertently help strengthen a weak ego, instead of transforming the personality or one’s life.
Transformation of personality demands that the personality have a balance of yin and yang. This balance creates a receptive state based on trust, true belief and an open heart. The main area the ego wants to control is our psyche – the inner space where thought, feeling, choice and reaction occur. When we fail to achieve this inner control, we project it outwards and we try to control others. There is the unconscious thought that if only we could completely control our psyche, then everything would be as we want it.
What threatens you? What do you worry about? When we feel threatened we turn away from soul and become obsessed or egocentric. We feel threatened when we let the survival instinct take over. When this happens, we cannot think because perceived or real threat shuts down the activity of the frontal lobe of the brain where we can think, reason and make choices. Loss of control for many, is a common threat and a serious obstacle on the spiritual path. We need to become aware of when we are controlling and we need to develop and rely on trust and faith in our soul intelligence, love and power.
| Exercises:
1. Describe your controlling behavior. 2. Identify the situations in which you feel you are losing control and acknowledge what you do as a consequence. 3. What approaches can you take to reduce perceived threats and worries? |
Go beyond just understanding and attain more perspectives, experiences and integration to enable you to heal your past and create your future.
