How Do I Not Be A Doormat?

~Theresa Weiss

QUESTION from Idaho: How do I not be a doormat?
The more I learn about being positive, inclusive, kind, and giving, the more confused I’m becoming. There are people I meet or know who exemplify none of these traits. I’m trying to cultivate these virtues into my life but I sometimes feel like a doormat because too many people just take advantage of me. I don’t know whether to try and stay on my personal life path or just cut all of them out of my life.  RESPONSE:

Dear Seeker of Truth:

I know exactly what you are experiencing at this point of your life as you seek the essence of the Wisdom of Truth and Compassion.  I have been in your shoes, and sometimes even now still experience confusion. And that is after being on my spiritual path for almost 50 years.

I know this may sound a bit strange, however, the fact you are “confused” is a good thing!

Here’s why I see it that way:  The fact you feel confused is evidence you are beyond just learning it…you are incorporating it into your day-to-day life,  thus Living in this new way. I propose that you celebrate that manifestation within yourself.  Where you are at this moment.  In addition, the fact that you are able to do this in this upside-down spinning sideways quicksand new reality of COVID is truly amazing!!  I salute you.

Now in regards to people either in your life or who you meet now who are not in the same  “freeing” consciousness you are wanting to live your life…and you feel like a “doormat…” My dear, please do not take offense here, however, may I kindly put to you that this is probably not a “new” phenomenon in your life. Feeling like a “doormat.”  May I, with the deepest respect, submit the idea that you are waking up to the fact of, shall we say, “getting stomped on,” is no longer acceptable to you? Once again, I readily admit, I have been in your shoes, being naturally helpful and a “fixer,” thus getting taken advantage of.  I had to decide,

1:  Do I wish energy “drainers” in my life who come and then go, leaving me depleted and with their loads?  NO

2:  Do I only wish those in my life who are vibrant, have “a life,” are enthusiastic,  and who are looking for meaningful experiences in life?

3:  Family–blood is blood, but it doesn’t mean we are beholden to the shenanigans that can occur in family ties.  Meaning what:  We CHOOSE if we wish to be entrapped.

Sorry, no matter what, we have to take full responsibility for dancing “Tango,”  because, it takes TWO to Tango.

Initially,  I really really distasted that TRUTH. Found it hard to swallow that I had to take full responsibility.  What??? Not fair, they are the “jerk,” not me, etc.  I had an entire scientific rationale to back up my claim that it wasn’t my fault or my responsibility. Especially not 100% for heaven’s sake!

As much as it initially caused discomfort, I have chosen which intimate family members I wish “to be walking with.”  And which other family members I tell them or write I love them, and disconnect with love and light, and still check in now and then.

The same I have done with friends.  And what an incredibly freeing openness in my life.  To only have those close who “have a life,” are positive and upbeat, smile, openhearted, have an enthusiasm for living life, and when we part, we both feel uplifted!

Good luck with many blessings as you walk this courageous path.  I write of these quests in my book, “DEATHWALKER: Journeys of Life, Death & Beyond.”  I would be happy to send you a copy,  just let IFGT know of your interest.  Please let me know how you are doing!

In Peace & Love,  Theresa